I am obsessing over career right now.
It's ridiculous. I have sleepless nights because of it. I think of things, I think of money and I think of things I want to buy with the money.
It's time to admit to myself. I want to be rich, or at least just financially-independent so that I can buy beautiful clothes, and invest in a nice condo and not have to save for such simple things as makeup or clothes or bags. I mean some women just buy a pair of shoes on the spot and I still have to freakin save for a pair of rubber slippers. Granted they're expensive rubber slippers but still.
I want I want I want.
Oh Lord.
During a conversation with my gay best friend Milan, we realized we both envy different things about people. Me I usually envy people their humor, their intelligence, their friendliness. I wish I were as funny/smart/outgoing as her. I wish I could dance/sing/write/play the piano as well as she does. Of course I would love to be as sexy as Jessica Alba but mostly I don't really envy people in that sense. Milan is the opposite. He wants chiseled abs and toner muscles. Haha. I think mine is harder to work on.
So I slept at 3 am - again!- and woke up at 7am to the sound of hammers and bulldozers coming from the house being built right next to ours. Now my head feels like it is about to implode and I feel like puking. Ugh.
I want!
I want a new digital camera.
Somebody please give me a Canon G9.
I will be indebted to you for the rest of my life.
Top Ten of Bora April 2008
1. The Food. The Food. The Food.
So check this out: we got FREE food, for three freaking days. Three days of free breakfast buffet (read:tocino, tapa, omelette station, cereal, hotdog, three kinds of bread, three kinds of rice, etc), lunch (read: absolutely anything on the menu) and DINNER (read: pasta station, oysters, barbecue) Oh Lord, thank you.
2. Jonah's milkshake
Choco Banana milkshake.
3. Club Paraw, Guilly's. Apparently sarado na yung malaking Cocomangas and it has now been replaced by Guilly's. On the first night, they told us Manny Pacquiao will drop by. No show, bwiset. Readyng ready na yung cameras namin. Second night, MYX Summer event. Sobrang daming tao.
4. The beach, doh.
5. "Sino ka sa GG?"
"Ako si Wendy!"
"Ako si Wendy noh! Ikaw si... Celine."
"No way! Ikaw si Celine. Ako nalang si Xeng."
"At ikaw, ikaw si Tim."
6. Sleeping on the beach.
7. Going around D'Mall.
8. Seawind Hotel
9. Spending time with family and friend.
10. Getting away from Manila. Nuff said.
bloggity blog
I wanna blog about:
1. BORACAY
- Ayoko na sa Manilaaaaaa. Hay, but real world beckons. Hmph.
2. Makeup workshop
- All things considered, it was a success.
3. Tiesto
- Last na talaga to, at after this, ayoko na. Something has got to give and this life is it. Mababagong. Buhay. Na. Ako.
Promise yan.
Tomorrow, tomorrow.
it's all about gratitude
My new thing now, aside from running, is gratitude. I actually got the idea from um, Oprah. Fine fine I watch her show, so what. If I could be another person for a whole day, I would be Oprah.
So anyway Oprah says we should list down five things we should be grateful for every single day. It'll teach us to value things and people more. It's also a fantastic way to attract great vibes from this twisted universe of ours. Personally I think it's the best way to cultivate some sort of spirituality. E says I'm ungrateful for everything I have, which is not true really, but that's another story.
I talked to Fr.Jack Caroll the other week about how, even when I'm utterly grateful for a lot of things, I still have difficulty translating it or expressing it in real, concrete terms. I have difficulty taking care of things I should be taking care of and I have great difficulty showing people how much I value them. I take for granted so many things and I dread the day I won't have all these things to well, take for granted anymore. Payback's a bitch, yeah.
Fr. Jack said gratitude isn't all about these warm, fuzzy feelings of joy, peace and contentment. True gratitude, like all other spiritual gifts, aren't just about feelings. It starts with a true recognition that everything you have is a gift from God. These are gifts which you don't even deserve in the first place. These are blessings He could just as easily take away from you, but He doesn't simply because He loves you too much. It's not simply about being "happy" or about "feeling thankful." You can be thankful even when you feel like shit (my word, not Fr.Jack's) but still recognize that everything you have is accordance to God's loving plan.
Once again Fr. Jack saves my day. It's so true. Nothing means anything if you don't have a fundamental grasp that God does love you. It's not enough that you recognize there IS a god, but the fact that you see God as a loving father figure. Everything makes more sense that way.
I've been practicing this gratitude bit for a while, intermittently, but now I'll go at it with all my might. I will stick to this "gratitude" business until I fully internalize this. I swear, even if it kills me, I'll find five things to be thankful for each day.
So okay, let me see. Five things I'm thankful for..
1. Breakfast with mom and dad
I'm thankful that I'm spending time with my parents, who are growing old each day, as far as I can see. Nothing grand. We talked about Charlton Heston and Manny Pacquiao and Siegfried and Roy (the circus performers), then animals and how you can actually die from an Ostrich kick and a Kangaroo kick. How it all interconnected I have no idea. But it was pleasant and I enjoyed it and that's that. My dad has the greatest sense of humor. My mom too.
2. My upcoming Boracay trip
-Yebah. I have a new bikini too, wahaha. Hayluvet.
(Shet, wala na ko maisip.....)
3. The fact that I don't feel the rice shortage.
I really quite thankful that I don't have to line up just to eat rice. In fact I'm even trying to cut down on rice just to prepare for my beach trip! Milan tells me in other parts of the world, like in Haiti, people are reduced to eating mud. Oh my lord! I can't even imagine how anyone will even think of eating mud. How's that? "I'm so hungry... hey how about mud!" or like "Kids, mud cakes' ready!!!"
Ako pa naman I have this horrific reaction to hunger. I'm okay with lack of sleep but don't ever EVER deprive me of food. I HAVE been known to cry over hunger. One time at a camp, I think, I was so hungry and all they served us was this cold burger. I cried seriously. Pakshet. Mahirap magutom talaga.
4. The fact that we have aircon
Oh my gad, I swear kung wala kaming aircon sa bahay baka himatayin ako sa init. Haang ineeeeet!!! Kakaiba ang init sa Pinas!!!!!
5. Participants for the workshop
Carla and I have finally breached the minimum amount we need just to break even. The rest would be profits nalang.
Okay yan muna. Thank you Lord!
So anyway Oprah says we should list down five things we should be grateful for every single day. It'll teach us to value things and people more. It's also a fantastic way to attract great vibes from this twisted universe of ours. Personally I think it's the best way to cultivate some sort of spirituality. E says I'm ungrateful for everything I have, which is not true really, but that's another story.
I talked to Fr.Jack Caroll the other week about how, even when I'm utterly grateful for a lot of things, I still have difficulty translating it or expressing it in real, concrete terms. I have difficulty taking care of things I should be taking care of and I have great difficulty showing people how much I value them. I take for granted so many things and I dread the day I won't have all these things to well, take for granted anymore. Payback's a bitch, yeah.
Fr. Jack said gratitude isn't all about these warm, fuzzy feelings of joy, peace and contentment. True gratitude, like all other spiritual gifts, aren't just about feelings. It starts with a true recognition that everything you have is a gift from God. These are gifts which you don't even deserve in the first place. These are blessings He could just as easily take away from you, but He doesn't simply because He loves you too much. It's not simply about being "happy" or about "feeling thankful." You can be thankful even when you feel like shit (my word, not Fr.Jack's) but still recognize that everything you have is accordance to God's loving plan.
Once again Fr. Jack saves my day. It's so true. Nothing means anything if you don't have a fundamental grasp that God does love you. It's not enough that you recognize there IS a god, but the fact that you see God as a loving father figure. Everything makes more sense that way.
I've been practicing this gratitude bit for a while, intermittently, but now I'll go at it with all my might. I will stick to this "gratitude" business until I fully internalize this. I swear, even if it kills me, I'll find five things to be thankful for each day.
So okay, let me see. Five things I'm thankful for..
1. Breakfast with mom and dad
I'm thankful that I'm spending time with my parents, who are growing old each day, as far as I can see. Nothing grand. We talked about Charlton Heston and Manny Pacquiao and Siegfried and Roy (the circus performers), then animals and how you can actually die from an Ostrich kick and a Kangaroo kick. How it all interconnected I have no idea. But it was pleasant and I enjoyed it and that's that. My dad has the greatest sense of humor. My mom too.
2. My upcoming Boracay trip
-Yebah. I have a new bikini too, wahaha. Hayluvet.
(Shet, wala na ko maisip.....)
3. The fact that I don't feel the rice shortage.
I really quite thankful that I don't have to line up just to eat rice. In fact I'm even trying to cut down on rice just to prepare for my beach trip! Milan tells me in other parts of the world, like in Haiti, people are reduced to eating mud. Oh my lord! I can't even imagine how anyone will even think of eating mud. How's that? "I'm so hungry... hey how about mud!" or like "Kids, mud cakes' ready!!!"
Ako pa naman I have this horrific reaction to hunger. I'm okay with lack of sleep but don't ever EVER deprive me of food. I HAVE been known to cry over hunger. One time at a camp, I think, I was so hungry and all they served us was this cold burger. I cried seriously. Pakshet. Mahirap magutom talaga.
4. The fact that we have aircon
Oh my gad, I swear kung wala kaming aircon sa bahay baka himatayin ako sa init. Haang ineeeeet!!! Kakaiba ang init sa Pinas!!!!!
5. Participants for the workshop
Carla and I have finally breached the minimum amount we need just to break even. The rest would be profits nalang.
Okay yan muna. Thank you Lord!
Moses is dead!
... or at least, the guy who played him is.
Bye Mr.Charlton Heston(1924-2008)
He's a significant part of my childhood. My dad loved the classic films: Ben-Hur, Ten Commandments, even Planet of the Apes. Every year, especially during Lent, he'd make us watch those on Betamax.
It's really the end of an era.
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